Make The Days Count

Syllabi read. Books ordered. Parking pass purchased. Mild panic attack ensuing. In eight [extremely] short months from now, I will be considered a graduate of Xavier University Class of 2016. The sound of that title is surreal. Now, on the eve of my last day of summer, before I sell my soul to senior year, all the feelings are ending in something bittersweet. Nearly 16 years of school have been completed, and I'm about to begin my final year of this season of my life. I can't lie right now, it's absolutely terrifying. How did I grow up so fast that in eight months I will literally be what they call an "adult"? I will have a college degree, and Lord willing, my license to practice nursing in the great state of Ohio. I remember elementary school and snack time and field day. I remember middle school with recess and the start of my real soccer career. I remember high school and pep rallies and football games and working at Chick-fil-A. I remember the past 3 years of college and the comforts of home cooked meals and late night donut runs and so much freedom I didn't know what to do with myself. Despite the fact that I've now got a big girl job to support myself, and have an apartment with one of my best friends, I still feel like a kid. A kid that needs her mom for pep talks and advice, practically all the time. A kid who will always want to play on the playground and climb trees. A kid that prefers PB&J sandwiches to cooking lunch because it's easier. A kid that waits till the very last minute to wash her clothes because doing laundry is the worst. A kid that will lose her voice singing in the car because that's the only right way to sing. I'm not ready to grow up. However, I've learned that much of life is doing the hard things, because it's often the heard things that reap the greatest rewards. And fortunately, I'm always allowed to be a kid at heart [so long as the bills are paid and responsibilities kept up with]. I guess the point in typing this all out was to put in words that I'm learning day after day that God is faithful. He has provided me with more than enough resources to make it. Maybe my heart isn't ready to do the adulting thing yet, but my spirit is, and God is calling me to go. As I take on the adventure of my senior year of college/final year of school EVER, I will choose to do it boldly and confidently, trusting that at the end of it all, adulthood will bring amazing memories and opportunities far different and far better than I could have anticipated. Bring it on.

Just Be Held

I am not afraid, I was born into this life for purposes far beyond my understanding, but I hope to learn those reasons as I live and grow and thrive. The current events of my life have come suddenly, in this massive tornado of events and emotions and change, and I've learned through all of it that I handle emotions extremely poorly. Change is something I tend to run from and I do my best to suppress any emotion associated with it - that being said, I recently started this crazy awesome new job that will mostly turn into my career and I moved out on my own for real for the very first time in my life - two of the biggest changes that anyone ever experiences. I've reached the point where I feel like I have mountains of expectations from all of the people in my life, and I literally cannot keep up with anything any more. However, it's been made very clear that these expectations are very much contained within my mind, and I am surrounded by incredible people who would give so much to support me and remind me that I have no reason to be alone. There is one song that truly mirrors my life right now, "Just Be Held" by Casting Crowns. I put in their CD while I showered after my run earlier, and I have listened to it on repeat for the last hour now. "And when you're tired of fighting and chained by your control, there's freedom in surrender. Lay it down and let it go" - control is something I struggle with greatly, and lately I've made moves that have left me feeling vulnerable and exposed. "So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away, you're not alone, stop holding on and just be held. Your worlds not falling apart, it's falling into place. I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held" - this is the chorus of the song but for me it's something else entirely. When I close my eyes and hear the words, I hear God's sweet voice speaking directly to me, telling me to calm my heart, let Him take my anxiety and let Him hold me. Through trials and blessings, I'm reminded that I made a choice to put my hope in a God that walks with me through it ALL. He is the one who hold my heart. He is the one who provides rest and He promises to never let go.

Lion Chaser

I'm in a mood tonight. And I'm not really sure what to do with it, so I'm going to write. First of all, I found this super awesome site today called Made for More. It's a Christian blog and I've spent some time this evening exploring it and I found something that I had to share because it moved mountains in my heart. It's called "The Lion Chaser's Manifesto". After taking a step back and looking out at everything that is happening in my life right now, I can see the little places that some lion fears have crept in. Some places where there are problems that I don't want to address and issues that I don't want to deal with and things that I don't want to do. By the time I made it through that simple little manifesto, I was almost laughing at myself because it hit me how minute and insignificant these lions are. But at the same time, they MUST be conquered. They must be chased. Or else the lion will continue to leave me feeling helpless and scared and alone. And more than anything, I'm NEVER alone. I'm surrounded by people who love me dearly and will run with me as I chase my lions. I'm learning how to find the courage to live my life the way that God intended for me to live it. Maybe that means doing the most uncomfortable thing in the world or saying words that I would rather leave unspoken. It's once I chase the lions away that I can experience true freedom. So here's the Lion Chaser's Manifesto ---> "Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don’t let what’s wrong with you keep you from worshiping what’s right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze new trails. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don’t try to be who you’re not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Don’t let fear dictate your decisions. Take a flying leap of faith. Chase the lion!"

Always.

I've purposefully avoided this topic because not all people are fans of sappy blog posts. However, we have finally reached the inevitable and I must fall victim to my love-struck desire to write about my significant other. 

If you've ever met someone so cool that you literally want to tell every single person you come in contact with about them, then you know that that's what Brandon Whitaker is to me. I really do talk about him so much that it probably drives my friends and family nuts, and honestly, I don't even care because if there's ever anything as great in life as he is, then the whole world deserves to know about it. I should have known the moment that he walked through the doors of Kidd Coffee 10 months ago that I was in for a treat. Not only has he swept me off my feet (over and over and over again), he has proved to me that there are still young men who are choosing to live their lives in accord with what the Bible teaches, men who hold themselves to a higher standard because they understand the importance and the need for Christian leaders in the world today. That's my man in a nutshell. I didn't have the slightest clue what I was getting into when we went on our first date last November, but let me just say that it has been the most exciting adventure. 

It has been about five months now since Brandon hit the road to pursue work with Casting Crowns and Global. I remember the day he came into the coffee shop and told me about this amazing opportunity he would have to spend about 10 months away from home doing work with Crowns and leading camps with Global. Being the female that I am, I panicked. Instant thoughts of doubt and fear came into my head, but God was quick to calm them because I believe that He has had His hand over our relationship the whole time. Most people say that they could never do the whole "long-distance thing", but I mean it when I say I have learned more about relationships in the past 5 months than I ever have before. It's nothing close to easy, but the lessons learned are absolutely invaluable. It's in the conversations had and the sweet time spent together that I have found my bestest friend in the world, the greatest adventure partner and the man who has the strangest capability of unlocking every ounce of who I am and has taught me that it's okay to be vulnerable because he has made it a priority to protect my heart. Falling in love is the most terrifying and eye-opening experience. There has been so much joy that has come from knowing this man, and I am extremely hopefully that we will have lots of years ahead of us to live life together. It takes a lot of courage to give someone the chance to hold your heart, and giving him mine is on the list of better life decisions that I've made. So thank you Brandon, for giving me reasons to look forward to things to come & all of your love, and for standing next to me as we take on this crazy adventure that life is. I love you!

Hello, This Is Me

So today, I'm in one of those moods where I really want to write and drink tea and listen to classical music and just FEEL classy. However, I'm stuck on campus until 4:15, so I'm currently sitting in my car jamming to Phil Wickham and eating tuna out of a bag and typing this while my iPad charges. Definitely not classy. But such is life. 20 minutes ago, I wasn't really sure what I wanted to write about, and in thinking about it, I realized that a lot of blogs kind of have an "About Me" section for the author to blab about their lives and such and I probably should have written this kind of post like three months ago. But whatever, buckle your seatbeats family, this is me!

My name is Breanna Marie Anderson. My brother (who is 7 years older than I am) picked my name after a girl he had a crush on back in grade school. So sweet, right? It was either that or Zeke if I was born a boy, so thank the Good Lord that I came out a girl. I'm 21 days away from my 20th birthday and it's really exciting to be so close to the end of my teenage years. The first two decades of my life have been one heck of a ride, but I'm so thankful that I've been through what I've been through because it has all contributed to the woman I am today. The #1 most important thing in my life is my relationship with my Heavenly Father. He is the one true constant I have and the only secure thing that I can put my hope in. At the end of the day, it's His love that satisfies my soul. I would consider myself a dreamer and an adventurer. For years now, I've had the desire to play a role in the conservation of sea turtles because I think they are some of the most beautiful creatures alive. In fact, I think I have somewhere around 20 different turtle-related things in my bedroom which happens to be decorated like the ocean. Some people consider that obsession, I like to call it passion. Nursing school is both the greatest and suckiest thing ever. Sleepless nights of studying and crazy clinicals definitely qualify as adventurous, and I know that everything I'm doing now will make me a rockstar nurse when I graduate in two years. Assuming I don't have a stress-related heart attack and kick the bucket before then. In all reality, if I had to pick something truly adventurous to do, it'd be climb a mountain or jump out of an airplane. I'm a mild adrenaline junkie so I'm all about doing big and crazy things, for the thrill & for the experience. Sometimes I would say that I have a mild hoarding problem, but only with education related things. It wasn't even until May 2013 that I cleaned out projects I had from MIDDLE SCHOOL. I literally just stuff stupid school papers wherever they will fit, it's obnoxious. The older I get, the more I see my mom in myself. I remember years ago thinking she was just come crazy lady trying to run my life, but it turns out she really has a TON of wisdom and has impacted my life in more ways than I'll ever realize or be able to thank her for. My family is like a tornado 100% of the time, but I love them dearly. My brothers are two of the coolest guys that I know, and I'm so thankful for their protectiveness and support in just about everything. They are an endless source of support and laughter and they drive me crazy when the three of us are actually together, but there is no one I love more than them. I'm an extremely sentimental, hopeless romantic. I love flowers and slow dancing and sunsets and holding hands and cute pictures and sappy movies. The best way to show me you care is by giving me your time, and I will do the same. Time is one of the most precious gifts that we are given, and I believe it is so important to invest it in things that mean something to you. I like to keep old notes and letters hidden around places I'm in often (like my room and my car) because I love stumbling across them when I'm cleaning or organizing and reliving all the memories. I have love/hate relationship with physical fitness, but it's one of the few things that keeps me sane and so I try my best to make time for it and take care of my body. I enjoy crafting things like baking and painting. Pinterest is one of the coolest things ever created, it's like a personal satisfaction to all my earthly needs in one convenient application. I prefer sweatpants and messy hair over anything else, I've kind of reached the point where I don't really care what I look like because I'm not here to impress people. However, there are some days where I feel super girly and straighten my hair and put on more than just moisturizer. I've got this really awesome boyfriend who is currently out traveling the United States doing merchandise things with Casting Crowns. The distance is really really hard sometimes, but it's worth it because he's worth it. He has been nothing but a sweet, supportive, uplifting and loving gentleman and I know that all stems from his relationship with Christ. I could probably talk about him for the rest of this post because I really think he's that great. He's got the most wonderful family and I don't know how I'd manage the distance if it weren't for them and the fact that I hang out with them probably 4 out of 7 days a week. I was so terrified of meeting his three older sisters back in November, but looking back, that was so dumb because they are some of the coolest people I've ever met and I love them very much. It's because of Brandon that I found a church to go to, and choosing to become a part of Winton Road First Church of God was one of my better life decisions. Every single person there has blessed my life in different ways and I'm so grateful for my extended family there.

Well, I could probably think of more things to say if I kept at this, but my fingers are starting to hurt and it's about time I get some work done before I go back to class. Enjoy the rain and the weekend and the rejuvenation that comes with it!

I'm Only Human

About a week ago, I heard a new song by singer Christina Perri titled "Human." Aside from the fact that this chick has a powerhouse voice, it was the lyrics to the song that hit so close to home. People aren't meant to be indestructible, we are all fragile in our own ways and the world seems to have a conniving way of knowing exactly what it takes to break us. And by the world, I mean Satan and the evil that manifests itself here. I don't mean to sound dark or anything, but it's the absolute truth. As Christina puts it in her song, "I'm only human, and I bleed when I fall down. I'm only human, and I crash and I break down." Now I'm going to be vulnerable for a moment - I'm the kind of person who feels like it's my job to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have believed for so long that it is in my job description to be the friend that is always there to listen and give back to others, and in most cases, do my best to help "fix" the issue. I don't like to look like I'm broken because I have found security in others believing that I have my life all put together. Well truth is, I don't. In a lot of ways, the life I've known for so long is crumbling and there are many mornings that I wake up with all the pieces in my arms and try to figure out how I'm going to put them all back together. But I'm only human, I can't piece together brokenness. Thankfully, I have a Savior who comes to rescue me. EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. He reminds me that I don't have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, I don't have to listen to the lies that it's my job to be strong and stand tall every day. Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30. "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light." A yoke is a heavy wooden harness placed on the back of an ox that was attached to a piece of equipment that the oxen are to pull. It's big and bulky and exhausting. Jesus desires to take the heaviness that I'm crushed by, and give me a new yoke to carry. One that is shared with a God whose back is way bigger than mine and can support a lot more of the weight. So today, I'm thankful that, yes I am more fragile than a teacup, but I can't be crushed because the King of the Universe is my support system. I know there will be times when I place too much faith in my own strength and crumble under the weight, but again and again I believe that God is right there to help get me back on my feet and sweetly remind me to walk beside Him. I'm thankful that I am able to put my hope in a God who ISN'T human, in a God who won't break because He is victorious.

Find Your Flame

People are my passion, caring is my gift, loving is my calling. This is why I have set out on the journey to become a nurse. It's kind of hilarious the number of people who comment on the strenuosity (<-- not sure if that's a word but it sounds neat so I'm using it) of the work load when they find out I'm in nursing school. People are always telling me how great of a field nursing is because nurses will ALWAYS be needed and there are a virtually endless amount of job opportunities for those who choose to pursue this career path. However, I'm not in this because of the thrill of the challenge or the confidence in my future job security. I'm not in this because of the desire to feel needed or important. I'm not even in this for the pretty solid chunk of change I could possibly earn if I pursue the career for long enough. I'm in this because I love people. One of my most favorite things about life is the opportunity to show someone else that they are important and that they are cared for and no matter now alone they may possibly feel in this world, someone loves them. There are old folks in nursing homes who have no family, no friends and very limited social interaction - meaning that the few people who they come in contact with are their medical care team. If I have a chance to show that sweet little man or woman that they matter, then I have made a vow to take it. The same goes for any circumstance on a rehab unit, or on the pediatrics floor or in a make-shift medical center in a homeless shelter. Every single person deserves to feel love - regardless of their race, religion, gender, past, present or future. So this is why I want to be a nurse. Because I am a strong believer that each person is born with some kind of passion. I believe that God placed each of us on this earth with purpose in mind and He has given us this amazing adventure called life to discover our passion and run with it. The only qualifications are a willing heart and the courage to step into something greater than we could ever dream of. I serve a mighty King who holds my future in His hands. Even on the worst days when my grades suck and I want to quit school, God's quiet voice reminds me of that passion inside of me. Yes, there are people everywhere who need medical attention and there has to be people willing to learn the skills to give it to them and that's important. But what's more important, at least to me, is that there are people who need to be cared for and loved in a specific way that only a nurse can give. That is why I keep going. That is why I'm in nursing school. That is why I can't wait to fulfill the incredible passion inside me.